I visited the lobby of the chic and supposedly thrifty Hotel East Houston today after several weeks of passing by and yearning for a look. All I can say is.. the lobby is small but the chairs look comfortable (Hotel Chatter concurs) and the front desk staff was pleasant enough to inform me of the rates which appear to start around $349 according to their website. That’s quite a deal at the Hotel East Houston – but, listen up, Curbed…
If anyone wants to stay in my apartment, I’ll charge you $149 a night, and you get to sleep on the couch “east village style”. If you bring a buddy, I’ll charge $50 more which brings your evening of east village reality to $199. Your buddy will sleep on the ground next to you. I’ll give you both a towel that you can share. Remember to bring your own linens and if your feet smell, please do not take your shoes off.
Also, I will be in the apartment before, during and after your stay so please start getting used to the idea. I’ll be in the bedroom which is the only access to the bathroom so you will need to relieve yourself before I go to bed – otherwise, you’re going to have to hold it until I get up no matter how much you whine. Whining also gets you an additional $35 charge.
Free coffee and Splenda every morning. If you want food, go outside, but once you set foot outside my place, I’m going to charge you $50 to step back in. If you left your belongings and just want to grab those – that’s fine – I’ll charge you $20.
Internet access is available to everyone who stays in my apartment for $1 per minute. I will be standing next to you with a stop watch but I promise not to read your email unless it looks really interesting. If at any point you disagree with my timing as it relates to your internet usage, I will charge you $20 for disagreeing and multipliers start taking affect once you raise your voice at me (This goes for any disagreement.).
You can put your water or juice in my fridge but you’re going to have to use the bottom shelf which means you’ll have to tip it over to fit it in the shelf. If something spills out of one of your containers, I will charge you $40 and you will have to clean the fridge which will include your management of an overdue defrost of my freezer.
Feel free to leave a comment below to let me know your dates of arrival and any questions you may have.
Links: Hotel Chatter
October 28th, 2007