Urban Lobster Takeout: Don’t Forget the Crackers

Lobster Bake

Eating Lobster Bake in the E.V.

Didn’t know there was lobster takeout in the East Village, did you?

Neither did I until I walked by Urban Lobster on Avenue A and Houston Street in 10002.

With a huge selection available to the average shellfish connoisseur -including clam chowder and lobster roll, I was curious about going full-throttle and enjoying a lobster bake. And so at around 6:30 p.m. on a weekday evening, I called-in the order and my urban Urban Lobster adventure began.

“One Urban Lobster Bake, please.”

With four sides and two lobster, I thought that this would be enough to easily satisfy my appetite and that of my fellow tester. I wasn’t disappointed as I picked up my 5- or 6-pound bake about one-half hour after I ordered it and brought it back to the East Village Podcasts blog offices for inspection, photos and “testing.”

Soon thereafter, I realized a fatal flaw in my diabolical shellfish plan. I had no proper implement for cracking open the lobster who had given his life for my meal. It should have been no surprise to me about this miscalculation – after all, how many times have I had lobster in my East Village apartment? None.

With full confidence that my neighborhood 99-cent store would not let me down, I sprang into action and descended the stairs to the emporium which has supplied me everything from shower curtains to holiday wrapping paper. But, in approaching the store cashier, I became guilt-ridden and could not admit this request was for lobster. I was ashamed. Lobster is too bourgeois – they’ll always remember me as “lobster boy.”

So, I asked for nut crackers instead and earned a polite “no nut crackers here, sorry.”

Quickly, I improvised. “How about a hammer?,” I thought. “Or maybe a garlic press? This looks good.. yes.. wire cutters! They have a crushing action and an innate guillotine function. This has to work on a lobster, too!”

2 wire cutters and $2.38 later, I returned to my apartment to begin eating lobster bake from Urban Lobster (Tip: most items are $1.19 at the 99-cent store. This is the dark truth of the 99-cent industry.).

Sides from Urban Lobster

Urban Lobster Sides

As you can see from the photo at the top of the page, it was a decently-sized, two-pound lobster that came with melted butter and a side of mussels. In addition to the mussels, the four sides were: cranberry pineapple walnut salad, asparagus tips, creamed spinach and red bliss mashed potatoes made with fresh butter (no calories in this meal!). Each side order was acceptable in taste. I was a bit disappointed that the asparagus tips were more stalk than tip.

In fairness to the lobster and Urban Lobster, I really didn’t start eating until at least 45 minutes after I had picked up my order and arrived back at the office. Consequently, my lobster meal was a bit tepid – I should have eaten it much earlier.

As I extracted the first meat – the claw meat – it was delicious and tender which contrasted with the tail – a much fattier and chewy meat.

As for the rest of the lobster, I’m not really sure if there’s anything else there that’s edible. In fact, I didn’t spend too much time inspecting it as I was busy getting the most out of my trusty $1.19 wire cutters.

In the end, the wire cutters were helpful at the start when breaking into the claws. But later they became unuseable (greasy and falling apart) and provided a poignant end to the meal as I could no longer bear eating any more lobster due to the over-exertion of trying to improvise with my urban Urban Lobster bake experience. The wire cutters were better than using my hands – but if you’re getting lobster takeout – don’t forget the crackers!

As for Urban Lobster fare, next time, I’m going to try the lobster roll. The claw meat was great. Let somebody else do the cracking.

East Village Lobster

East Village Lobster Bake Madness


February 16th, 2008

Entry Filed under: Food


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