The Man In Gray at Dolphin Gym

Every weekend day around 8:30 a.m., the man in gray appears at the Dolphin Gym at 94 East 4th Street between 1st and 2nd Avenues in NYC’s East Village.

The early-morning-for-a-weekend players are already there: the older folks on the bikes, the young 20-something females on the ellipticals, and a man or woman on the running machines. EVP prefers the ellipticals.

The man in gray, stocky with gray shirt (same shirt every time, unless he has a collection of gray shirts), shorts and a gold chain, bounds through and inputs his member code into the member detector machine for the Dolphin attendant who valiantly maintains consciousness at the front counter.

From past experience, EVP recognizes him immediately and can see the future. The 20-somethings, on the other hand, are deer in the man in gray’s headlights.

Preferring to hold the inner reins of the elliptical, as opposed to the moving handlebar reins, he mounts his elliptical steed. The machine moves slowly for about 2 seconds, and then, max speed, well north of 95 RPM – far and away faster than anything the poor steed can handle. The resulting racket is skull-rattling. In the past, the man in gray has successfully decimated other ellipticals. He was on his way to putting another one down.

The 20-somethings continue staring straight-ahead on their grateful ellipticals in spite of the man in gray who grinds and pounds the gears. For a brief moment, he breaks the sound barrier. Everyone keeps peddling, but it’s over. Within 5 minutes, three of the 20-somethings had dismounted leaving their ellipticals to witness the noise and horror of the man in gray’s unrelenting machinations.

Man in gray, have a heart. These ellipticals deserve better. I need my steed.


July 4th, 2008

Entry Filed under: East Village, New York City


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